I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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