And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
