it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
