was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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