we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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