I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize