y did u give ur computer a hand job?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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