I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
