It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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