take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
