So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
