it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
