Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In other news, I just burned my penis
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
