I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
