she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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