does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my shit smells like andre
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
