I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize