I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
