I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
