The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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