Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
