No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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