and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
