I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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