By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
