this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
