if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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