Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
