Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
