I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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