i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i came on her dog
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
