So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
