it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
