I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
