I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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