Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
