I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
