Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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