I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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