It was confusing and full of hummus
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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