Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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