Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
