im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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