i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
