Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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