we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
