Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
