I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
