Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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