i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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