I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i now understand why vodka
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
