Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
