there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
