You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Im at strip club and am horny
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
