don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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