we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
