remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
