I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My cat gives me a boner
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
