Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
