Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
