Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
