Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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